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Tuesday, August 10, 2004 Hi faizal This is me maohaid.I have been away in europe for exactly 3 weeks today.I dun know why, but i really feel homesick.I miss my family, my friends,my happiness,my scouts and my life.It is wondeful here in europe, but it is just not the same back home.there is this malay proverb,"Hujan emas di negeri orang,hujan batu di negeri sendiri, lagi bagus di negeri sendiri" meaning "Golden rain drop in others country, stone rain drop in own country, its better in own country. i used to think that singapore is so boring.but after coming here, i did learn a few thing. i realised that its not where you are,but whom the people you are with matters.I missed my lifestyle.but i do realised that back home, i live a pampered life.Most of the things are being done for me.wherelse it very different when u have the independent status.Its good at times as i find it is one of the few times that i have a peaceful time.to thing about life.What i really want and what it shd have been....to thing of it, i have been a bossy,aarogant,unsensitive and lots more inappropriate attitude. Maybe when i reach home, i will try to change some attitude of my 9th August 2004 i am here in france while my nation selebrate its 39 aniversary.Frankly that is not what i missed. i missed someone.She was once very closed to me.And we drifted apart... 9th August 2001, i Maohaid Faizal who was suppose to be helping out in the scouts for national day,skip NDP and go and be one of the spectators.Frankly, it was my upteen time watching the show.But i still watch it cos someone whom i adore is beside me watching together with me....Well, my heart was not on the show but was somewhere else....it was the very first time i dated a gal,is that pathetic? i neglet my duty as a scout leader just to be wif her,as a result one of my very own scout,was not given the oppurtunity to march and i was not there to defend for him.I feel so for him and also myself.I FEEL GUILTY.but i have to do what i have to do.Well of course,it never work out between her and me.i Heard that she is now happily wif her bf.i wish her all the best.but she will always be on my mind. "She could be the face i can't forget, a sound of pleasure or regret, or the price i have to pay,she is the beauty in my eyes." Well she is not the only ones i missed.I miss my scouts too.Things have been going thru my mind. Once i told myself that one day i will come back to Teck Whye Bull Scout.I donoe why but something in me is telling me that it is time.Have i learn enough to make sure that i dun fail again. I hate failure.It is something that very very painful.Nevertheless,i am not prepared to part with Serangoon Eagles family that have definately groom me.I MIGHT be a better leader now.but i am not sure if Teck Whye does welcome me anymore.I once have a heated argument with the teacher in charged and sort of left the unit.The unit managed to buck up after sometime. i do admit my mistake.i was young and stuborn.i never knew wat it was all about back then...i regret ...... i have to sign off now..... 1030 in france maohaid whined at Tuesday, August 10, 2004 | Comments? |
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